Hey Turds,
We know you are just overcome with excitement that you’re getting another issue of the Polished Turd so soon into the new year! With Mardi Gras coming up, we thought this would be a good time to check in about hours, parades, and all kinds of other festive information. So, sit back, relax, and get to reading this special Carnival issue (with a special message from Moxie who has many opinions about Carnival season). Be safe and have fun out there!
Love,
The Liberty Team
MARDI GRAS HOURS… We will be closed the 12th – 18th of February so we can celebrate with our community. Please plan ahead if you need a haircut before Mardi Gras. We will be closed on Ash Wednesday. Book Now!
CITY RULES… Whether you are a seasoned veteran or a Mardi Gras newbie, the rules apply to all of us. Nobody cares about your opinion of the rules (Chris) so just be respectful and keep in mind how much work is required to create the magic that is Mardi Gras. Not sure about the different rules? We don’t know either, but this link has tons of helpful information: https://ready.nola.gov/mardi-gras/along-the-route/
HELPFUL TIPS… There are so many ways to celebrate throughout the season. In fact, it can be a bit overwhelming for newcomers. Where to go to the bathroom, where to get food, how do I find my friends…these might be among the many questions you have before embarking on your parade adventure. We know it’s a lot of information to process, so here is a quick list of things to help get you going.
1. Download the WDSU Parade Tracker App. Parades rarely start on time and there are so many issues that come up along the route, this app will keep you updated on all the major parades.
2. If you see an option to purchase a wristband for nearby bathrooms, do it! Seriously. Schools, churches and other community groups that have port-o-potties along the route are great. They don’t charge a whole lot, and their bathrooms will be much cleaner than many others that you encounter throughout the day.
3. Choose your viewing location based on proximity to bathrooms (have we made it clear that bathroom plans are a must?).
4. Know the difference between Sidewalk Side and Neutral Ground Side.
5. Pack beverages and snacks! Finding food can be a challenge, and lots of places will be closed. Plan for long lines and be patient! Nothing like the hangries to ruin everyone’s day.
6. Bring cash! Many places are cash only, but even if they’re not, cash is king and makes everything easier.
7. Help us make Mardi Gras less wasteful! Clean up after yourself and be on the lookout for on the route recycling presented by Grounds Krewe and Recycle Dat! Many organizations are committed to a more sustainable approach to Mardi Gras which includes special throws by local artisans. Learn more here: https://www.groundskrewe.org/recycle-dat
8. TIP YOUR BARTENDERS AND OTHER SERVICE PROVIDERS!! FULL STOP.
9. Follow safety rules, don’t pee in public, and don’t be a dick.
PARADE HIGHLIGHTS… You probably know by now that both Chris and Jenny are part of Mardi Gras organizations, the Krewe of the Rolling Elvi and Roux La La! They have both worked hard for their groups this year and they hope to see you out on the route! Chris will have a couple of special throws up his sleeve, and if you see Jenny… she might spoon you in the street!
Krewe of the Rolling Elvi:
Cleopatra
King Arthur
Muses
Iris
Roux La La:
Knights of Sparta – Mystical Order of the Phoenix
King Arthur
Morpheus
MOXIE… Before we get to this nonsense called Mardi Grabs, I have a big issue with one of our readers out there. This “fan” won’t stop trolling me and they have no business even talking about me (never mind to me or to my mommy). This “fan” had the audacity…AUDACITY…to suggest that we include more cat content in this newsletter. This “fan” claims they only read this for the section about Moxie because I am so great, but this “fan” is a cat. A CAT!!!! If you know anything about Moxie, it’s that I love mommy and snacks and I hate cats! So why would I write about a cat or let one read my newsletter? I work so hard to write this and it’s the biggest reason why I am EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH, LITERALLY EVERY MONTH! What would my followers think if suddenly I started talking about cat stuff? That would be scary. So, Baby Cat (I assume you’re reading this because you’re obsessed with my beagley greatness) if you’re going to insist on being a “fan” you’re gonna have to keep your suggestions to yourself and stay out of my mommy’s life!
Thanks everyone. I really needed to get that off my chest. I guess we need to talk about that other scary stuff now. It’s that time of year again…the Mardi Grabs. I hate it. It’s scary and I heard it’s hard to get snacks. You all call it Carnival Season, but we all know what it really is…it’s Abandonment Season. Abandoned to this couch with only another dog and two dumb cats to hang out with. Mommy and dad put on weird clothes and throw things at people. Why do you like this? I know you have beer in the snack machine at home, so I just don’t get it. They don’t let you bring couches out there. I bet you didn’t know that. Good luck getting cozy out there without a couch or blankets. You will come crying back to Moxie…you’ll see.
